Thoughts from a grumpy old bartender
 by Justin August
 Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
 New York, NY
 Views: 12,080

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Do you know what you're doing when you head to the clubs and bars at night? Are you aware of the fact that your head should be pulled out of your ass before heading into public? Your Gold Chains, Frosted hair and "Pi Kappa-I don't give a F#$%" T-shirt is NOT going to help you in your wanderings thru New York night life.

What is going to help you is heeding the advice and warnings of this writer who wishes to impart in you the knowledge of someone from the other side of the business. Of course now I just have to be reliant on the fact that you can read with out your mommy tucking you in!

First, lets discuss your entry into any club/bar. Guestlist or not, you are not a star, so don't act like one! Nobody cares who you are, they want to let you in because they want your money, so don't' bother trying to announce your VIP intentions to everyone! Buy a bottle when you get in if that's what you do, nobody else in line or the doormen really care. They just want the line to keep moving. Upon being let in and heading to the bar, remember again, the bartender is there to take your money. He does not want to avoid you, so if it seems as though he is , do not try to remedy the situation by waving him down. In a bartenders eyes, that wave says, "Hey everyone, I'm a douche bag, and I just wanted to point myself out so you don't bump into me later" ..thanks for the warning Douchey.

Need help getting a drink?, quietly approach the bar and hold the biggest bill in your hand at the bar, believe me! the bartender will see the money and walk over.
Next, lets talk about your need to be "That Guy". As in, that guy who screams into his phone on the middle of the dance floor, or that guy who wants to jump up and dance in the spot light with all the girls, or that guy who is wearing his sun glasses inside but is definitely not any of the entertainment. Refrain from all of these you twit, just sip your drink, talk to your friends, and stay out of sight from everyone else, we don't care who you are and we don't need to know!
I didn't forget the girls either, girls, girls, girls. We don't care about your story either. We are here to make money, and if you need a story to try and walk your way thru a free drink or a no cover line, then take your sad story home or go find "That Guy" inside and tell him… I'm sure he has enough roofies to make you seem interesting.
The point of all of this is, just be cool. Remember how Fonzi is?…he's cool, so lets all be a bunch of trendy little Ed Hardy wearing non unique Fonzi's and leave the poor bar/club employees to do their job in peace. If you don't like it go home! Nobody deserves to have to hear you complain.

Next week we discuss why you have no idea what your talking about. Until then, shut up and stay out of my face!

G.O.B

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Last updated by Justin August - Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 -  New York, NY