
Attention Bicylcle Riders, You Do Not own the Street!
by Laurie Johnson
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011
New York, NY
Views: 10,103
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I am really ready to clothesline the next cyclist the runs a redlight while I'm walking in the cross walk! Who the hell do you people think you are. You have breaks on the damn thing, start using them, or you will feel my wrath! And, the law is on my side, you must obey the traffic rules. I admit it must be very hard to wrap your head around the fact that bike lanes and general rules of traffic apply to you as well as the vehicles you ride alongside, but the rules are what they are. Cross walks with green-lights are for pedestrians, not you! And from now on, if you attempt to cut me off with your bicycle, or yell and ring your bell that I should get out of your way because you are speeding thru a red traffic light or stop sign and don't feel that you should have to obey the law, I will be doing one of several things depending on what I have available at the time; NOW HERE ARE VIDEOS OF WHAT I WOULD WISH UPON MOST OF YOU IDIOT RIDERS....
1) I feel a simple straight arm clothes line across your throat will get you to slow down quick, although, I would be worried about your bike sliding unmanned into someone or something causing damage, and then I would be as at fault as you, so this may be one reserved for extreme cases.
2) I will start smacking the backs of your heads
3) I was thinking of carrying pennies and using a zipgun to shoot them at bikers (a zipgun for the unknowing is usually made by fastening the end of a strong balloon to a short piece of pvc, and then sort of sling-shotting items from inside it)
4) I was also thinking of just keeping a walking cane that I could jut into your spokes, locking up the bike and flipping you off the front, but then again, I wouldn't want you to hurt someone else.
I have other ideas that involve water and paintball guns, not sure how the local precinct feels about me carrying a paintball gun, but, I don't care so much for them either, generally speaking they are a bunch of lackadaisical fucks.
Anyhow the gist of all of this is that, you bicycle assholes need to calm the shit down. I'm sorry for stereotyping the majority of you, but, it is what it is. Maybe speak up to the groups you ride with, and get the asshole riders to realize they will mess it up for the rest of you. It only takes one gum chewer in the class to ruin it for the rest of us, chill out crazy bikers, cause I'm coming for you!
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Last updated by Laurie Johnson - Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011 - New York, NY
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